The Hocker Goes Up on the Board, and a Kenny Arrives Who Can Catch
Cleveland State45
Toledo24
- Game
- 2027 Week 1
- Date
- 2027-09-05
- Site
- Home
- Result
- Win
- Record
- 1-0
Year four, friends. The board at Big Stan’s has a third panel now, and the newest name painted on it is The Hocker: brisket, a fried egg, hot peppers and pierogi, all on a Kaiser roll “with a cannon arm of mustard.” Stan hung it the week before the opener and said a short prayer over it. Chester bowed his head. I’m not sure Chester knew what we were praying for, but he’s a team player.
Then our guys opened at home and beat Toledo 45-24. Twenty-one points of daylight, and Amar’e Hocker, a junior now and rated 86, looked like the best quarterback I’ve covered in thirty-four years. That’s jersey thirty-four in the closet, by the way. Donna has stopped commenting on the closet. That’s how I know she’s worried.
And now I need to tell you about our freshman receiver, the number twenty-three recruit in the country, out of Minnesota. His name is Kenny. Kenny Tongues. A Kenny, folks, who catches things. A Kenny who believes. I’ve already started calling him “the good Kenny.”
Four pierogi. Put it in the time capsule.
I’m aware of the freshman. I’m aware of what Mickey’s going to do with the freshman. I’d like the record to show that I’ve never dropped a pass in my life, mostly because I’ve never been thrown one.
A twenty-one-point win over Toledo to open. Fine. Efficient. The Vikings lost Jayden Bellamy to the draft, a second-round pick, plus a big chunk of last year’s defense, and the offense is now built around a junior quarterback and a freshman receiver who, for the moment, shares my name and none of my anxieties.
At the Lantern Room, Nadia had redecorated. The RedHawks bobblehead now has a companion: a small gold trophy she bought online, labeled “2027 — WE’LL SEE.” She says Miami (OH) is “built different this year.” I believe her, which is the problem.
The Doom Model returned from the offseason in a better mood. I’m not sure I trust a spreadsheet that took a vacation.
“Lil”: a ventriloquist’s dummy at my sixth birthday party. Its name was Ken. I was the smaller one.
Back and forth
The good Kenny, Kenny!
I’m the original Kenny. He’s the expansion franchise.
Thirty-four jerseys!
At some point Donna’s going to stage an intervention. I’ll bring snacks.
The Hocker on the board, a junior quarterback in command, and a freshman Kenny who, for now, has all the belief in the family.
Split Decision is fiction. Mickey Bridges, Ken Hogmanes and The Lakefront Ledger are invented; the games and scores are not.