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TheValhalla Archive
A weekly first take

Split Decision

Two columnists, one page, zero agreement. Mickey Bridges believes in the Cleveland State Vikings with his whole heart. "Lil" Ken Hogmanes will believe it when it's in the case. A column on every Vikings game.

Mickey Bridges
56, Cleveland lifer, owner of a jersey closet and a Pierogi Index
"Lil" Ken Hogmanes
38, keeper of the Doom Model; the nickname story changes weekly

Latest column

2037 National Championship · W 56-39 vs Ohio 56-39: National Champions, and the Sentence The Vikings beat Ohio for their second national title, a granddaughter waves both flags, Teddy’s note says keep showing up, Big Stan’s nail finally holds something, and after fourteen years the doubter writes the sentence.

2037 season · 17 columns

  1. Week 1 W 63-21 Kent State Jersey Forty-Four, and Phil Watches Without a Pencil
  2. Week 2 W 70-20 Toledo Nine Straight Over Toledo, and Rosalind Turns Ninety-Six
  3. Week 3 W 52-3 Alabama Fifty-Two to Three in Tuscaloosa
  4. Week 4 W 38-7 Houston Houston Held to Seven, and Sofia Commits
  5. Week 5 W 34-32 Kansas Two Points in Lawrence
  6. Week 6 W 63-24 Colorado Colorado Seven Straight, and Rose Turns Six
  7. Week 7 W 66-23 Arizona Tucson Eight Straight, and the Fourth Rack Arrives
  8. Week 8 W 45-3 BYU BYU Held to Three, and Big Stan Dusts the Nail Twice
  9. Week 9 W 63-20 Baylor Waco, Nine and Oh, and Leo's Interception
  10. Week 10 W 56-28 TCU TCU, Ten and Oh, and Mickey Opens His Wallet but Not the Note
  11. Week 11 W 61-7 Oklahoma State Sixty-One to Seven Over Okie State, Ten Years Later
  12. Week 12 W 56-28 Kansas State Twelve and Oh, and Ray Comes to Thanksgiving
  13. Big 12 Championship L 42-63 Miami (OH) The RedHawks Again, and Ken Pours a Fourth Time
  14. CFP First Round W 45-13 North Texas North Texas in the First Round, and Stan Dusts Three Times
  15. CFP Quarterfinal W 66-6 Florida State Sixty-Six to Six Over Florida State
  16. CFP Semifinal W 63-21 Kentucky Kentucky Falls, and It's Ohio for Everything
  17. National Championship W 56-39 Ohio 56-39: National Champions, and the Sentence

2036 season · 16 columns

  1. Week 1 W 72-17 Toledo The Number Is Next One
  2. Week 2 W 35-31 Texas Texas Comes to Cleveland, and Leo Plays His First College Game
  3. Week 3 W 91-13 Kansas State Ninety-One in Manhattan, Kansas
  4. Week 4 W 48-9 Iowa State Ames, Nine Points Allowed, and Sofia Gets a Letter Too
  5. Week 5 W 49-9 BYU BYU Held to Nine, and Rose Starts Kindergarten in the Wrong Colors
  6. Week 6 W 59-7 Arizona Ken Is on a Beach, and Mickey Writes Both Halves
  7. Week 7 W 45-24 Arizona State Ken Comes Back Tan, and the Sun Devils Make It Ten Straight
  8. Week 8 W 49-6 Baylor Waco, Six Points Allowed, and a Defense With a Personality
  9. Week 9 W 52-3 Houston Houston Held to Three, and The Ladd Hits the Board
  10. Week 10 W 98-16 SMU Ninety-Eight Against SMU, and Mickey Is Sixty-Eight
  11. Week 11 W 52-16 Colorado Colorado, Eleven and Oh, and Ohio Next Week
  12. Week 12 L 56-76 Ohio 76-56: Ohio Comes to Cleveland and Takes the Big 12 Ticket
  13. CFP First Round W 37-3 LSU LSU Held to a Field Goal in the First Round
  14. CFP Quarterfinal W 53-21 Auburn Auburn, Fifty-Three Points, and Leo Comes Home for Break
  15. CFP Semifinal W 49-14 Florida State Florida State Falls, and It's the RedHawks a Third Time
  16. National Championship L 35-56 Miami (OH) The RedHawks Three-Peat, and Next One

2035 season · 16 columns

  1. Week 1 W 55-21 Akron Akron, Where It Started for Teresa, and a New Beagle Named Five
  2. Week 2 W 80-14 Kent State Eighty Points, and Phil Comes to Cleveland
  3. Week 3 W 56-21 Arizona State Nine Straight Over the Sun Devils, and Leo Commits
  4. Week 4 W 59-17 Arizona Tucson Again, and Rose Learns Two Fight Songs
  5. Week 5 W 45-31 BYU BYU Makes Us Work, and Teddy Retires His Apron
  6. Week 6 W 56-35 SMU Dallas, a Shootout, and Mickey Starts Counting
  7. Week 7 W 49-14 California Cal Comes to Cleveland, and Sofia Gets a Headset Upgrade
  8. Week 8 W 70-16 Iowa State Seventy to Sixteen, and Leo Plays His Last Home Game
  9. Week 9 W 56-16 Colorado Boulder Again, and Sal Lets the Sixth Nail Go
  10. Week 10 W 45-24 Houston Ten and Oh in Houston, and Rose Has a Request
  11. Week 11 W 42-28 Ohio Eleven and Oh in Athens, From the Bobcat Seats
  12. Week 12 L 31-59 Miami (OH) The RedHawks Come to Cleveland, and Ken Pours Again
  13. CFP First Round W 69-3 TCU Sixty-Nine to Three, and the Long Road Starts Again
  14. CFP Quarterfinal W 23-17 Texas A&M Twenty-Three to Seventeen: A Different Kind of Win
  15. CFP Semifinal W 48-40 Ohio Past Ohio Again, and the RedHawks Wait
  16. National Championship L 70-73 Miami (OH) 73-70: The Thing

2034 season · 17 columns

  1. Week 1 W 38-7 Kent State Back in the Press Box, With a Stent and a Story About Ken
  2. Week 2 W 42-21 Toledo Toledo, Rosalind at Ninety-Three, and a Card From the Counter
  3. Week 3 W 49-0 Arizona Forty-Nine to Nothing in Tucson
  4. Week 4 W 63-10 Arizona State Eight Straight Over the Sun Devils, and Rose Is Three
  5. Week 5 W 56-9 Fresno State Fresno, a New Opponent, and Sofia Takes the Clipboard to High School
  6. Week 6 W 49-3 SMU Forty-Nine to Three in Dallas, and Big Stan's Corn Board Arrives
  7. Week 7 W 36-17 Colorado Back to Boulder, and Sal Takes a Little Off the Sides
  8. Week 8 W 56-16 Kansas State Kansas State, Eight and Oh, and the Counter Votes on a Walk
  9. Week 9 W 70-7 Kansas Seventy to Seven, and Leo Gets a Letter
  10. Week 10 W 56-28 Utah Ten and Oh, and Utah Finally Doesn't Scare Anyone
  11. Week 11 W 49-35 Houston Houston Hangs Around, and Viking Takes His Last Walk
  12. Week 12 W 70-27 Iowa State Twelve and Oh, a Third Perfect Regular Season, and the RedHawks Wait
  13. Big 12 Championship L 42-57 Miami (OH) The RedHawks Win the Big 12, and Ken Pours
  14. CFP First Round W 70-19 Stanford Seventy Points in the First Round, and Stanford Goes Home
  15. CFP Quarterfinal W 35-17 Oregon Oregon Falls, and It's Ohio in the Semifinal
  16. CFP Semifinal W 51-46 Ohio 51-46: The Run Ends, and Sal Takes One Down
  17. National Championship L 52-61 Miami (OH) The RedHawks Are National Champions, and Nadia Keeps the Ribbon

2033 season · 13 columns

  1. Week 1 W 90-16 Kent State Ninety in Kent, Two Freshmen, and Phil Stops Texting
  2. Week 2 W 70-14 UMass Amherst Again, and Sam Uses the Wood
  3. Week 3 W 49-13 Baylor Baylor Six Straight, and Rose Is Two
  4. Week 4 W 63-38 Arizona State Seven Straight Over the Sun Devils, and Leo Makes Varsity
  5. Week 5 W 42-23 Toledo Toledo Comes to Town, and Rosalind Brings a Sign
  6. Week 6 W 45-17 Colorado Colorado Comes Back to the Lake, and Sal Is Worried About Me
  7. Week 7 W 56-17 Houston Houston, and the Lantern Room Has No Bet This Year
  8. Week 8 W 63-25 Arizona Tucson, and a Small Pill Every Morning
  9. Week 9 W 77-24 Iowa State Seventy-Seven to Twenty-Four, and Big Stan Changes the Menu
  10. Week 10 W 63-10 UCF Ten and Oh in Orlando, and Ken Drives to Sarasota Again
  11. Week 11 L 20-55 Ohio 55-20: Ohio Comes to Cleveland and Wins Big
  12. Week 12 W 70-27 Kansas Kansas, Eleven and One, and a Quiet Thanksgiving
  13. CFP First Round L 31-38 Miami (FL) Miami Ends It in the First Round, and a Freshman Wins the Heisman

2032 season · 14 columns

  1. Week 1 W 70-3 Kent State Seventy to Three in Kent, and a Married Man in the Press Box
  2. Week 2 W 55-31 Toledo Toledo Hangs Around, and Rose Says Her First Word
  3. Week 3 W 57-39 Colorado Colorado Finally Comes to Cleveland
  4. Week 4 W 56-31 BYU Provo Again, and Leo Reyes Is a High School Freshman
  5. Week 5 W 56-31 Baylor Baylor Again, and Big Stan's Nail Gets Dusted
  6. Week 6 W 68-28 Arizona State Sixty-Eight in Tempe, and Marco's Mother Sends Another Cooler
  7. Week 7 W 55-10 Arizona Arizona Finally Pays for 2025, and the Defense Finds Its Teeth
  8. Week 8 W 56-30 South Florida A New Opponent, Eight and Oh, and Teddy Goes Quiet
  9. Week 9 W 56-31 Iowa State Nine and Oh in Ames, and Chester Takes the Drive Again
  10. Week 10 L 31-73 Ohio 73-31: Athens Takes It All Back
  11. Week 11 W 67-59 Miami (OH) Sixty-Seven to Fifty-Nine, and Donna Leaves the Cape at Home
  12. Week 12 W 36-29 Utah Utah Makes It Close Again, and Ohio Gets a Rematch
  13. Big 12 Championship W 45-35 Ohio Forty-Five to Thirty-Five: The Rematch, the Title, and Rose's Pom-Poms Rest
  14. CFP Quarterfinal L 35-49 Miami (OH) The RedHawks End It, and Greg Price Says Goodbye

2031 season · 16 columns

  1. Week 1 W 98-3 Florida Atlantic Ninety-Eight Points, a Grandpa in the Press Box, and Price Gets His Job Back
  2. Week 2 W 49-16 SMU Dallas Again, and the Fight Song Goes to Athens by Video
  3. Week 3 W 49-13 Old Dominion Norfolk, a Navy Town, and Leo's First Real Scouting Report
  4. Week 4 W 59-21 BYU BYU Again, and Big Stan Paints 'The Price Is Right'
  5. Week 5 W 98-0 FCS Southeast FCS Southeast, Ninety-Eight Again, and Ray Laughs for a Full Minute
  6. Week 6 W 76-17 Baylor Seventy-Six in Waco, and Sal's Pennant Gets a Second Year
  7. Week 7 W 42-24 UConn UConn Makes It Interesting, and Rose's First Trip to a Game
  8. Week 8 W 63-42 Ohio Four Straight in Athens, With Rose on the Wrong Side
  9. Week 9 W 49-41 Miami (OH) Oxford Again, and the Alliance Travels Together
  10. Week 10 W 52-17 Arizona State Ten and Oh, and Viking the Beagle Retires First
  11. Week 11 W 35-29 Utah Utah Scares Everyone, and Eleven and Oh Comes the Hard Way
  12. Week 12 W 70-7 UCF Seventy to Seven in Orlando, and Rose's First Thanksgiving
  13. Big 12 Championship W 52-30 Kansas State Big 12 Champions Again, and Kansas State Gets a Rematch Anyway
  14. CFP Quarterfinal W 63-35 Kansas State Kansas State Twice in a Row, and Fourteen and Oh Again
  15. CFP Semifinal W 52-31 Oklahoma Fifty-Two, Like Teddy Said, and Ohio One More Time
  16. National Championship L 34-35 Ohio One Point Short, and Ken Plays the Record Anyway

2030 season · 15 columns

  1. Week 1 W 45-3 East Carolina A New Quarterback, Again, and Ken Grows a Beard
  2. Week 2 W 63-3 Kansas State Sixty-Three to Three, and Six Years of Kansas State Finally Settled
  3. Week 3 W 84-14 Toledo Eighty-Four Points, and Sam's Grandmother Is Torn
  4. Week 4 W 41-21 Baylor Twenty Points in Waco, and Leo Reyes Wants to Coach
  5. Week 5 W 56-21 BYU BYU Comes to Cleveland, and Teddy Gets His Number Back
  6. Week 6 W 66-35 Arizona State Sixty-Six in Tempe, With Marco Reyes in the Next Seat
  7. Week 7 W 69-20 UCF Seven and Oh, and Ohio Is Coming to Cleveland
  8. Week 8 W 59-30 SMU Eight and Oh in Dallas, and Big Stan Clears a Wall
  9. Week 9 W 38-37 Ohio 38-37: Ohio Finally Loses in Cleveland, and Mickey Says He's Done
  10. Week 10 W 38-10 Utah Ten and Oh in Salt Lake City, and Nobody Believes Mickey
  11. Week 11 W 52-42 Miami (OH) Donna and Nadia Meet in Oxford, and the Bet Flips Back
  12. Week 12 W 45-28 Texas Tech Twelve and Oh, and Bridget Brings Someone to Thanksgiving
  13. Big 12 Championship W 45-42 Ohio Big 12 Champions Again, and Stan Fills the Wall
  14. CFP Quarterfinal W 42-13 Texas A&M Fourteen and Oh, and Ohio a Third Time
  15. CFP Semifinal L 23-38 Ohio Ohio Wins the Third One, and Mickey Un-Retires

2029 season · 17 columns

  1. Week 1 W 71-7 Kent State Life After Hocker Begins With Seventy-One Points
  2. Week 2 W 49-35 Toledo A Fourteen-Point Road Win and Four Hundred Boxes of Jazz
  3. Week 3 W 56-24 Army The New Coordinator Beats His Old Team, and Leo Reyes Is Eleven
  4. Week 4 W 55-14 Baylor Waco Is Warm, Sal Is Planning Something, and Ray Wants to Know About the Plant
  5. Week 5 W 76-34 BYU Seventy-Six in Provo, and Big Stan Paints The Baraka
  6. Week 6 W 59-13 SMU Six and Oh, and the Record Negotiation Reaches a Ceasefire
  7. Week 7 L 29-51 Miami (OH) The Bet Flips: Ken Pours, Ken Says It
  8. Week 8 W 49-14 UCF UCF Pays for Last Week, and Ray Remembers the Kid's Name
  9. Week 9 W 49-21 Ohio 49-21 in Athens, and the Tube Stays Rolled Up
  10. Week 10 W 54-6 Utah Utah Held to Six, and Teddy Is Speechless
  11. Week 11 L 20-34 Texas Tech Lubbock Remembers, and the Trend Line Takes a Detour
  12. Week 12 W 42-14 Arizona State Ten Wins, a Thanksgiving in a New Apartment, and the RedHawks Again
  13. Big 12 Championship L 28-34 Miami (OH) The RedHawks Win the Big 12, and Nadia Gives the Ribbon Back
  14. CFP First Round W 51-21 Oklahoma Oklahoma Falls in the First Round, and the Rubber Match Is On
  15. CFP Quarterfinal W 48-42 Miami (OH) The Rubber Match Goes to Cleveland, and the Ribbon Goes Home
  16. CFP Semifinal W 31-14 Georgia Georgia Again, and Now the Whole Family Plays for It
  17. National Championship L 36-52 Ohio Ohio Wins It All, and Mickey Hugs the Enemy

2028 season · 16 columns

  1. Week 1 W 33-14 Kentucky Big Stan Hangs a Blank Board, and the Senior Starts in Lexington
  2. Week 2 W 56-19 Kent State Kent State, Ken's Alma Mater, Gets the Bad News in Person
  3. Week 3 W 42-28 Toledo Toledo Hangs Around, and Ray Asks If the Kid Is Still the Kid
  4. Week 4 W 63-21 BYU Sixty-Three in Provo, and the Trivia Team Wins a Round
  5. Week 5 W 49-17 Oklahoma State Stillwater, Settled: Thirty-Two Points of Payback
  6. Week 6 W 34-17 Utah Utah Comes to Town, and Sofia Reyes Learns the Fight Song in Two Languages
  7. Week 7 W 44-30 Texas Tech Seven and Oh, and Everybody's Looking at Next Week
  8. Week 8 L 38-41 Ohio Ohio Again. By Three. In Our House. Again.
  9. Week 9 W 52-24 UCF Orlando Owed Us Twenty-Eight Points, and Paid in Full
  10. Week 10 W 56-23 Arizona State Arizona State Gets the Full Cleveland Welcome
  11. Week 11 W 84-70 Miami (OH) 84-70. Eighty-Four to Seventy. In Oxford. Donna Is Three and Oh.
  12. Week 12 W 70-24 TCU Seventy Points, Eleven Wins, and Ohio Waiting in the Title Game
  13. Big 12 Championship W 48-17 Ohio BIG 12 CHAMPIONS. Over Ohio. By Thirty-One.
  14. CFP Quarterfinal W 45-38 Ohio State The First Playoff Game in Program History, and It Was Ohio State
  15. CFP Semifinal W 45-28 Charlotte Midnight Strikes for Cinderella: The Vikings Are Playing for It All
  16. National Championship W 34-24 Georgia NATIONAL CHAMPIONS

2027 season · 13 columns

  1. Week 1 W 45-24 Toledo The Hocker Goes Up on the Board, and a Kenny Arrives Who Can Catch
  2. Week 2 W 35-30 Kent State Five Points Over Kent State, and Ken Reached for the Same Record as Somebody
  3. Week 3 W 24-20 Arizona State Desert Heat, a Four-Point Escape and a Wedding Countdown
  4. Week 4 W 63-30 Akron Sixty-Three Points and the Whole Turnpike Can Hear Us
  5. Week 5 W 59-24 Baylor Baylor Gets Bowled Over, and Mickey Writes His Toast on a Napkin
  6. Week 6 W 42-13 Texas Tech A Wedding, a Kazoo and a 29-Point Win in Lubbock
  7. Week 7 W 53-49 Miami (OH) 53-49: Nadia's Trophy Says 'We'll See.' We Saw.
  8. Week 8 L 27-59 UCF Halloween in Orlando, the Scary Kind
  9. Week 9 W 35-7 Ohio 35-7 in Athens: The Pennant Goes to the Wall Again
  10. Week 10 W 48-31 Arizona Tucson Again, Easier This Time
  11. Week 11 L 42-45 Oklahoma State Three Points Short in Stillwater, and the P-Word Goes Back in the Car
  12. Week 12 W 34-29 Utah Thanksgiving, Two New Chairs and a Five-Point Win Over Utah
  13. Pop-Tart Bowl W 30-13 Louisville Pop-Tart Bowl Champions, the Best Offense in America and a Kenny Who Catches Everything

2026 season · 13 columns

  1. Week 1 W 52-17 UMass Year Three Opens With a Rout and a Freshman Named Cleveland
  2. Week 2 L 14-41 Tulsa Tulsa? TULSA? Ken Has Never Been Happier to Be Miserable
  3. Week 3 W 46-39 Iowa State A Shootout Win, an Engagement Ring and a Carpenter Who Asked First
  4. Week 4 W 35-28 Colorado The Boulder Curse Is Broken, and Ken Put On a Happy Record
  5. Week 5 W 38-15 Middle Tennessee Big Stan Names a Sandwich After a Freshman, and Middle Tennessee Gets the Leftovers
  6. Week 6 W 34-20 Texas Tech Lubbock, Revisited: The Road Trip Starts With a Payback
  7. Week 7 W 59-53 Miami (OH) 59-53 in Oxford: The Bobblehead Remembers, and So Does Ken
  8. Week 8 W 38-24 UCF Halloween in Orlando, and Somebody Else Handed Out My Candy
  9. Week 9 W 45-27 Utah Four for Four on the Road, and Salt Lake City Is Very Clean
  10. Week 10 W 25-24 Arizona One Point in Tucson, and Ken Finally Played the Record
  11. Week 11 W 38-20 Oklahoma State Ten Wins Before Thanksgiving, and the Whole Street Is Nervous About Saturday
  12. Week 12 L 42-43 Ohio One Point. Ohio. Two Days After Thanksgiving.
  13. Alamo Bowl W 38-28 Iowa Alamo Bowl Champions, Eleven Wins and a Camp Award With Our Name on It

2025 season · 13 columns

  1. Week 1 W 37-17 UMass The Bazelak Is on the Board, and the Freshman Is in Charge
  2. Week 2 W 34-24 Air Force The Air Force Can't Fly Over This Defense, and Leo Reyes Has a Flag
  3. Week 3 W 56-13 FCS Northwest Vikings Defeat an Entire Region, 56-13
  4. Week 4 W 62-28 Louisville Louisville Is a City, and the Vikings Just Annexed It
  5. Week 5 W 31-17 Houston Houston, We Have a Five-and-Oh
  6. Week 6 W 24-20 Iowa State Six and Oh in the Cornfields, and the Lunch Table Is Losing Its Mind
  7. Week 7 L 14-37 Colorado Boulder Again. Of Course It Was Boulder.
  8. Week 8 W 35-33 Miami (OH) Two Points, One Bobblehead, and a Bet Ken Will Never Let Go
  9. Week 9 L 14-35 Arizona Arizona Wins the Day, and the Counter Council Goes Quiet
  10. Week 10 W 56-38 Ohio 56-38 in Athens: Mickey Texts His Daughter Back
  11. Week 11 W 28-16 UCF Nine Wins, a Turned Pennant and an Eleven-Week Losing Streak at Trivia
  12. Week 12 L 17-48 Kansas State Leftovers in Manhattan, Kansas: K-State Hands Us the Bill
  13. Texas Bowl W 31-24 Tennessee Texas Bowl Champions, Ten Wins and a Number Next to Our Name

2024 season · 13 columns

  1. Week 1 W 24-21 Tulane One Game Into the Dolan Era, the Counter Council Has Already Voted
  2. Week 2 L 31-42 Kansas State Kansas State Brings Ken's Favorite Thing to Town: Evidence
  3. Week 3 W 45-42 Western Michigan A 45-42 Tuesday Night, and Leo Reyes Is Ruined for Life
  4. Week 4 W 28-20 Hawai'i Aloha Means Hello, Goodbye, and Three and One
  5. Week 5 L 13-17 Texas Tech Ken Said 'Let's See It in Lubbock.' Lubbock Has Been Seen.
  6. Week 6 W 28-22 SMU Dallas, Dealt With: Vikings Bounce Back at SMU
  7. Week 7 L 21-24 Colorado Three Points Short in Boulder, and Sal Had the Clippers Ready
  8. Week 8 W 34-13 Kansas A Pierogi, a Viking and a Kansas Blowout Walk Into Halloween
  9. Week 9 L 24-49 Ohio Sorry, Dad: The Bobcats Came, Saw and Kept Scoring
  10. Week 10 W 31-28 Oklahoma State Cowboys Corralled: A Three-Point Answer to a 25-Point Question
  11. Week 11 W 34-27 UCF Orlando Was Warm, Sarasota Was Warmer
  12. Week 12 W 46-45 Miami (OH) 46-45. That's It. That's the Headline.
  13. Liberty Bowl W 31-21 Army Liberty Bowl Champions: Mickey's Closet Needs a Bigger Door

Split Decision is fiction. Mickey Bridges, Ken Hogmanes and The Lakefront Ledger are invented; the games and scores are not.