BYU Again, and Big Stan Paints 'The Price Is Right'
Cleveland State59
BYU21
- Game
- 2031 Week 4
- Site
- Home
- Result
- Win
- Record
- 4-0
Vikings 59, BYU 21, at home. Four and oh.
Thirty-eight points of daylight. Our fourth straight win over BYU, and the Cougars are starting to look at us the way I look at a Monday.
And Big Stan has painted a new board, folks. The sixth one. And he couldn’t help himself. It’s called The Price Is Right: roast pork, sharp provolone, broccoli rabe, a fried pierogi, and a little cup of horseradish on the side “that you have to earn.” Stan explained the name at the counter Monday: “Because the kid waited a whole year, and now the price is right.” Chester nodded. Walt applauded. Gerald asked, “What’s the horseradish for?” Stan said, “Patience, Gerald.” Gerald didn’t follow. Neither did I. It’s delicious.
The empty space on the back wall, next to the two scoreboard frames and the brass plate that says TWICE, is still empty. Stan dusts it every day. He’s put a little nail in it. Just a nail. Waiting.
I went to the West Side Market on Saturday morning and asked Teddy for the number. He said, “Fifty-nine, Mick.” I said, “Teddy, are you sure?” He said, “The pierogi lady sold out by eight-thirty.” Fifty-nine. He’s two for two since he got his gift back.
Four pierogi.
Four and oh, averaging more than sixty points a game. The Vikings are, by every number I trust, the best team they’ve been since I started covering them. They might be the best team in the country.
I want to say something about Teddy. Teddy is a sausage vendor at the West Side Market who predicts Vikings scores by watching how fast pierogi sell. He’s now nailed the exact score twice in two years. My Doom Model, built over twenty years with real statistics, has never nailed an exact score. I’ve started to consider whether my model should include a pierogi variable. Teresa says I should “just go talk to Teddy.” She’s right. I’m going Saturday. I’m bringing a notebook.
Big Stan sent a sandwich to my apartment. It was The Price Is Right. There was a note: “For the doubter, who now believes in second chances. Eat the horseradish.” I ate the horseradish. I’m told by Stan, through Mickey, that I’ve “earned” it. I don’t know what I earned. I’m told that’s the point.
Back and forth
Stan sent you a sandwich!
With a note about second chances. Stan writes better than both of us.
You’re going to see Teddy?
With a notebook. If his method works, I’m adding a pierogi tab to the Doom Model. Don’t tell anyone.
A sixth board at Big Stan’s for a quarterback who waited his turn, a nail on an empty wall, and a statistician going to learn from a sausage vendor.
Split Decision is fiction. Mickey Bridges, Ken Hogmanes and The Lakefront Ledger are invented; the games and scores are not.